So I haven't updated in a couple months or something......

That's cuz I've been BUSY yo!!

Nolan is just about 6 months old-and cute as hell!! I can't believe that half a year (read that again and let it sink in...) HALF OF A YEAR has passed. That's insane. Nolan is doing really good! He's been a little crabby the past week because of teething. He has two cute little teeth at the moment. He's rolling, sitting up, eating baby food-and just yesterday he started clapping....lol. He's also working on crawling. He's a little frustrated with that.  Here are some recent pictures of him!

In other awesome news-I have an AMAZING new job. It's full time. It's pretty good money. I'm an MA at a doctor's office. It combines all the things I love, plus the hours are great and I get to work with one of my best friends. So I guess you could say that stuff is going pretty good right now.

What else? The new Twilight movie comes out in 2 weeks. Shut up...I love it! I desperately need a girls night out and copious amounts of alcohol. Right now I'm LOVING the following songs: "Paradise" by Coldplay, "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars (not just because it's from the new Twilight movie...it's just awesome) and this time of year I'm always really diggin "Down" by Something Corporate. If you haven't heard the songs I just mentioned, do yourself a favor and check them out. I promise you will like them.

ADD?

I think I might have ADD. Seriously....says the girl who hasn't written in her blog in a month and a half. And why haven't I written in my blog in a month and a half? Because I'm bored. I don't ever have anything to say. I get sidetracked easily. I could probably come up with a hundred other reasons if you're interested. But I'm not even interested so lets move on.

Could this be the reason that I have never really had a job I loved or why I'm always trying to come up with something new to do because I'm bored? It's not often that I'm interested in something enough to keep up with it. I think this probably makes me come off as "flaky" to some people. Maybe I am flaky. Or maybe I have ADD.

I've never looked into it and it's never come up. In school, my grades were always really good. The only trouble I ever got in was for "socializing" too much. Ya know, like in elementary school-you get caught talking too much cuz you're sitting by your friends and so your teacher moves you to another desk. Blah. That happened to me a lot.

I'm already over it.

What's a girl to do?

It always irritates me when I think that I have something figured out but then low and behold-plans change and no, I don't have anything figured out.

Before I left work to go on maternity leave I *thought* that I had all of the details of my return worked out with my boss. That's what she led me to believe anyway...even though getting any kind of information out of her is like pulling teeth. Anyway-I already felt iffy about the situation because I work at a small place, and I work part time, so there's no kind of FMLA or anything in place to protect me or my job. But she assured me that everything was cool. Our arrangement was that I would come back at the beginning of July and that I would be working 3 days a week (Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday). So I went ahead and got everything set up with our baby sitter too. I told her Nolan would be starting on July 5th and that he would be going 2 days a week and we would rotate between Tuesday/Wednesday and Wednesday/Thursday every other week.

Today after not hearing from my boss for almost 2 weeks (I emailed her two weeks ago and asked her to call me as soon as she could so we could discuss my return) she emails me and gives me some crap about how busy they are, and says my return date will be July 12th (a week after I was going to come back) and that for the first "few" weeks I will just be working Tuesdays and Thursdays (my old schedule). So first off, if you're SO busy, why don't you want me to come back a week earlier like I'm offering and why wouldn't you need me the 3 days a week we discussed? Now I'm going to have to call my baby sitter and HOPE that she will let me start Nolan a week later than we discussed, and I'll have to tell her that for the first few weeks it's going to be Tuesday and Thursday that Nolan is at daycare and no Wednesdays. And that that's subject to change within a few weeks. This irritates me beyond belief.

What am I supposed to do? She has changed everything. WTF? And I'm totally at her mercy. This is lame.

Being a mom

Exhausting. Rewarding. Scary. Fun.

Those are just a few words that come to mind when I think about the fact that I'm a mom now.

I know what I expected it to be like. It's kind of like that. And it's kind of not. Please-don't get me wrong. Having Nolan is amazing. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I think for having a 3 week old that Ryan and I are doing okay, but it's DEFINITELY exhausting. I've definitely cried a lot-probably because of the hormones and probably because I'm sleep deprived...and very sensitive. I'm pretty much taking it day to day. We have good days where Nolan eats, sleeps and poops on a nice little schedule and Ryan and I can get some sleep and get some stuff done around the house as well.

Then we have days where all he wants to do is eat and NOT sleep and just cry because he wants to be held 24/7. I finally talked to the nurse at our doctor's office yesterday and she told me I could let him cry it out for like 10 minutes. I had read that at this age you really can't spoil them and you should never let them cry for more than 5 minutes. But she said as long as you know that he's fed, changed, and not sick or in pain, it's perfectly fine to put them down and let them cry for up to ten minutes. We started trying this a little bit yesterday and it seemed to work. He slept a lot yesterday. We also had plenty of awake time and had tummy time and all that. We're not monsters...it's not that we don't want to cuddle the crap out of our son-I LOVE cuddling him. But when you can't put him down AT ALL because he starts screaming, you have to do something. You can't sleep/eat/clean/etc. if you have to have a baby attached to you 24/7. We do have a sling and I thought about trying that but honestly-I can't figure out how to use it. It's complicated and my mind is too fuzzy right now to try to figure it out.

So yeah-we're figuring things out. I had a little meltdown last night. We were supposed to have a couple of friends over that just had a baby as well. Their baby is 2 months old now, so they are a little more experienced than we are. Anyway, we were going to have them over to grill out, but they had to cancel because he didn't get off work until late and had to be back at work at 7:30 this morning. Fine. I didn't go to too much trouble, so it's not that big of a deal. But the thing is that these friends are busy ALL THE TIME. They were before they had a baby and I knew it would be even worse after. I had originally asked them to come over tonight (Saturday night) for the cook out, but they have their first date night since the baby has been born, so they already have a sitter and everything. So we planned on Friday night and that fell through. Then I found out that a mutual friend of ours is having a party tonight for this guys birthday! So they are going to dinner and then to this party...and he has to work tomorrow morning too. Whatever. It just makes me upset because EVERY ONE of our friends that have kids also has family near by, so they actually have baby sitters and stuff. Ryan and I don't. At all. We have no one to watch Nolan so that we could go out and do anything. 90% of the time, it's not a big deal. Ryan and I have been going out and about (grocery store, mall, etc.) with Nolan and it's fine. He usually just sleeps. But the other stuff-like EVER being able to go to a restaurant or to a movie or to a party with our friends. We can't do it. Ever. Our friends all can, but we can't-and I don't think they realize it.

I feel like I'm going to lose the few friends I have because I won't ever be able to see them. Oh well, this is what me and Ryan signed up for. We knew this going into it. We knew we didn't have anyone around here to help out. We were okay with that though. We didn't realize that when people say you need a break sometimes, that you really do need a break sometimes.

Well-I hear the little man crying-so I guess that's my cue that I'm done online. Please don't think that I'm not happy to be a mom, I really am. I just really understand now. I really would love a break-and a haircut and pedicure..lol. And a massage. :)

Nolan James!

Sorry this is so late!

Nolan was born May 14, 2011 at 6:59 pm.

8 lbs. 6 oz. and 21 inches long

Quick birth story: I was set to be induced on May 14th. We were
supposed to be at the hospital between 7:30 and 8 am. I couldn't
really sleep the night before, so when my alarm went off at 6:15, I
got right up. I went to the bathroom and surprise! My water broke. I
woke Ryan up to tell him that we needed to go sooner rather than later
now. The hospital had also called to see if we could come in later for
the induction because there were several people there in active labor.
We told them that my water had broke and they said to just come right
in.

We got there and got checked in and they took us up to labor and
delivery. We got settled into the room, I changed into a gown and got
into bed. After a bit, the nurse came in to start my IV. Stuff like
that normally doesn't bother me, but I got a little lightheaded and
almost threw up. I think I was just nervous. I got some water and some
cold cloths and that seemed to help.

The doctor came in shortly after to check me and see if I was
progressing yet. I was still at a 3, which is what I was at just a
couple days before at my doctor's appointment. Since my water had
already broken but I wasn't having any contractions, they went ahead
and started pitocin. It wasn't until a couple of hours later that the
contractions got REALLY intense. They hurt really bad and
unfortunately they weren't making me progress any. I got almost to a 4
and the contractions were coming one after another. I told the nurse
that if it was possible, I wanted my epidural. Within about 30
minutes, we were all set up and I was getting the epidural. It didn't
really hurt too bad-I felt some pressure when they were putting it
in, but then, I felt relief. Wonderful, amazing relief. The epidural
worked GREAT and it let me relax. It also helped me
progress to a 6 within about an hour and then a 10 a couple hours
after that.

Pushing wasn't too bad. I couldn't feel anything, so it was actually
pretty easy. I pushed for less than an hour and at 6:59, Nolan James
was born! He started crying before he was even all the way out! They
got him wiped off a little bit and then laid him on me. It was an
amazing feeling! Ryan was so great the entire time and everything went
well. The hospital stay wasn't too bad-just a little overwhelming with
all the nurses and doctors and everyone in and out checking on you all
the time. It was a relief to come home though. We've been home for a
week and we have had lots of visitors-the last of which left this
afternoon, so now it's just us.

I think we are doing okay adjusting to our new life. We have a pretty
good system worked out and we use a teamwork approach. I am recovering
pretty well too-still a little sore and tired, but I'm getting there.

We couldn't be happier with our little guy! We love him so much! Breastfeeding wasn't really working out too well, but I have been able to pump-so he is getting some breast milk, which is better than none at all.

Here are some pics of the little man!!

Well here we are

39 weeks 3 days.

Mr. Man must be pretty darn comfortable in there. I really wanted him to come out on his own. I wanted to avoid an induction-especially since it ups the chances of having to have a c-section. I really just wanted the whole having contractions, going to the hospital, and having a vaginal birth experience.

I have my last doctor's appointment Wednesday, but we've discussed induction and it just so happens that my doctor is on call this weekend and my due date is this weekend so I guess the plan is to induce on Saturday. I'm having mixed emotions about the whole thing. I'm sort of excited because it means I get to meet my little man this weekend!! I've waited so long to hold him in my arms and see his little face and I can finally do that in just a few days! I'm also scared of being induced-I'm scared it won't work and I will end up with a c-section. And I'm angry. I'm angry that I get deprived of the experience that I so badly wanted. I wanted my body to do it's job. I wanted to be at home and start having contractions closer and closer together (which has happened...then they just stopped....) and I wanted Ryan and I to decide when it was time to go to the hospital and for us to load up my bag and be excited and nervous on the way over. And most importantly, I wanted my son to come out and be placed on my chest so that we could meet for the first time. Granted, this could still happen with an induction. But I'm so scared that I'm just going to be another number....another induction that doesn't progress how it should and then I end up having a c-section anyway. Dammit. And I know that a perfectly normal birth could end up with a c-section too. It's just that induction makes the chances of it greater.

I realize that I still have a few days left to go on my own. But at this point, I have no choice but to face the facts. This kid hasn't wanted to come out for the past couple of weeks and nothing has changed in the past couple of weeks. I've done everything I can think of. Ryan and I have walked and walked and walked this past weekend until I was in a ton of pain. We tried to have very awkward sex in the shower (lol....it was actually kinda funny), I've eaten spicy food...the list goes on and on. My doctor stripped my membranes at my appointment last week too. Nothing. Saturday evening I had some contractions going for a couple hours-but nothing too regular or too painful. So we gave up and went to bed. He's not coming on his own. Maybe I'll feel a little better on Wednesday after I talk to my doctor and know more about the induction.

Also, my in-laws are coming on Thursday. This makes me a little nervous. I don't know if they are planning to stay with us or not, but I really don't want a freakin' entourage accompanying me to the hospital for my induction. I wanted it to be me and Ryan only until after Nolan arrives. And I also don't want to come home from the hospital and have house guests....while I'm trying to learn how take care of my baby and while I'm trying to learn how to breastfeed. Ugh. This stresses me out. Another reason it would be fantastic to have him in the next day or two.

At least I only have to be bored a few more days. Ryan works tonight and tomorrow night and then he's off on his paternity leave for 3 weeks-so at least he'll be home and hanging out with me. We should have a nice dinner at home like Wednesday or Thursday night-just the two of us! That would be nice. Hmm....I might have to look into doing that.

Well, that's about it for now. Hopefully by my next update I will have a birth story and a picture of a cute little man to post!! :)

An open letter to little man....

Dear Nolan-

Get out. Get out now. I'm over 37 weeks now...that is considered full term. I have a very short torso and I can't take it anymore. I cannot live like this for 3 more weeks and I don't want to be induced. My doctor said that at like 38/39 weeks she would strip my membranes. I don't want to do that. I heard it hurts REALLY bad. The internal exams already hurt bad enough.

Pretty much everything is ready for you out here. Your dad and I want to meet you very badly. We really want to see what you look like!

Please little man.....come on out. I want to hold you :)

Love,
Mommy


I lost my mucus plug yesterday. I know, I know. That could mean labor is hours away-or weeks away. How fun. I have been having a decent amount of contractions for a couple weeks now-nothing that's really regular though. Dammit. We're moved into the new house (with just a few minor things left to take care of) and I'm full term-so I am pretty comfortable with him coming at anytime. My doctor is fine with it too. I'm already dilating and effaced so progress is being made. Tomorrow is Easter...so that would be cool. I shouldn't complain because I fought hard to get to this point. But oh my god. I'm so miserable. I can't sleep. I don't feel good 90% of the time. I'm tired. I can barely roll over/walk/stand up anymore. I don't want to do this for 3 more weeks....and I'm scared to get induced. Induction leads to c-section so often....I just don't want that. I have a nice, wide pelvis-perfect for pushing a baby out of.

I'm gonna go take a nice, long, hot, shower. I love our shower in our master bath. It's amazing. There's a seat in it and everything. Good for me since standing up sucks anymore. Here's some nursery pics. All I have left to do is put up blinds and finish his nursery letters and hang them up.

Okay-off I go. It would be sweet if my next post I was like "yay-here he is!" :)

I'm so tired......

I've had a busy week. We closed on our house on Tuesday and then immediately started moving in. We have gotten a lot done in the past few days. We still have a ways to go but at least progress is being made.

Had my 36 week appointment-I'm 1 cm and 70% effaced. My doctor also said that I don't have to check my blood sugar everyday anymore. It's been so good and so under control that they think that *MAYBE* I don't really have GD. They still have to treat me as if I do, but for now, everything is still good and really under control, so I can stick my finger every other day. We also had an ultrasound on Friday. Because of having GD, they do another ultrasound at this point to check weight and stuff. I couldn't get in to the good ultrasound tech at my OB's office, so I had to go to the imaging center. Boo. They are all business there-and my doctor told me it would be like that. I'm lucky they even told me how much he weighs. She wouldn't answer any of my questions, I barely got to see the screen (at the OB's office they have a HUGE tv on the wall so you can watch too), they didn't give us any pictures...nothing. She showed us his face for like 20 seconds-and we could barely see anything because he kept covering it with his hands. They estimate him at 6.2 pounds right now-and I'm 36 weeks and a couple days. That estimate can mean nothing though. I've heard it can be off by 1-2 pounds! Whatever.

I'm at the point where I'm definitely having some real contractions sometimes. I really would like to make it to 38 weeks because that will give me peace of mind and it gives me roughly two more weeks to get everything done around here. Like I said, we've made A TON of progress but we do still have a few things to do. We have almost everything at the new house except for a few small things that are still at the rental. I want to finish getting everything set up here, get everything out of the rental and get it cleaned, finish transferring over our bills and utilities...you know, that kind of stuff. We're so close. It would just make me happy as a clam to know that everything I wanted to get done is done and I am just at home relaxing with no big projects hanging over my head and boom! It's labor time! That would be amazing.

In other news-I have some insurance crap to try to take care of. I'm getting charged what I think is a ridiculous amount of money for going to the regional diabetes center to get my GD stuff set up. I think it was coded wrong. And I also found out that what I was told by my insurance company at the end of last year about how I only have a $350 co-pay for giving birth and then everything else is covered at 100% is bullshit. Well, it wasn't then-but it changed and now there are deductibles and percentages, etc. and it will cost me over $1200. WTF? I got pregnant last year-so I should fall under that coverage. I'm still looking into this because I think it's stupid.

Well-I'm so tired I'm about to pass out, so that's all for now. I will update again soon and hopefully I'll have some house pictures and stuff.

My turn yet?

Well, my best friend Sarah went into labor this morning and had her baby this afternoon!! I'm so happy for her and very excited to meet little Campbell!

So, there were 5 of us ladies pregnant in the same group of friends...there is a 6th actually, but we don't ever really see her, so I'm not gonna count her. Anyway, 2 of the babies came in February, and now 2 came in March....I'm the last one. I've got about 6 weeks left (if I go to 40 weeks)...and I'm a little jealous. They all have outside babies now and mine is still on the inside. Don't get me wrong, I want him to stay in there a few more weeks (especially because we still haven't moved yet either...) but I just really want those few weeks to go by quickly.

Hurry up May!! I wanna get moved into our house and meet my little man!! 

Ick! I'm a terrible blogger...sorry kids....

I'm sorry!! I haven't blogged in like a month! More than that actually....

What's been going on? A lot!!

I'll be 33 weeks this Friday, so things are moving right along. I'm getting less nervous the closer we get to "full term". My doctor says that they don't panic and they don't stop you if you go into labor once you're 36 weeks....so that's kind of the week I've been looking forward to, and that's just 3 short weeks away. I haven't really been gaining any weight-but Nolan is measuring on track, so they don't seem too concerned. They did say they will do another ultrasound within the next couple weeks to see how big he is (because of the gestational diabetes). I just feel bad because I feel like he's supposed to be gaining at least 1/2 pound a week at this point, yet my weight isn't changing. I feel like I'm starving him or something.....this makes me sad. We'll talk about it again at our next appointment so I guess that will have to do. Other than that, things have been going well.

We had both of our baby showers too! The one in Ohio was March 5th and we got a lot of great stuff and it was nice to see people I haven't seen in a long time. My mom and sister did a great job! It was at a place called The Firehouse. The food was great and the decorations were cute!

Our Indiana shower was just this past weekend and it was amazing! My friends really went above and beyond when they threw this shower. It was a Dr. Seuss theme. I'm gonna try to post pictures so we'll see how that goes. When I say they went above and beyond with this shower-I mean it. The food, the decorations, the CAKE!! Even the gifts.....I'm just so grateful.

Those are just some of the pictures so you can get an idea of what it looked like. Amazing though, right?? I was blown away.  You can't see it in the pictures, but my friends Jamie and Sarah who put the shower together also got us a BEAUTIFUL rocking chair for Nolan's room. I'm so touched by how much they did.

In house news-things are moving RIGHT ALONG. I don't have any really recent pictures put on the computer, but trust me. It's coming along nicely. The outside is done-siding up and all that stuff. The driveway, sidewalk and walkway are in. The drywall is finished and they started painting this week. By the end of the week, painting should all be done, trim done, and hard surface floors should be installed. All of our doors are in the garage too-so I don't know if they will put those in this week or not. We're gonna stop by Friday afternoon and hopefully get some more pictures. We locked in our mortgage rate a week ago and apparently you have 30 days to close once that happens, so we should be moving in a month. Good things.

That's all I've got for now. I promise I'll try to be better and update more!!

Diabeetus

I'm not making fun of Diabetes...or Wilfred Brimley, but it just helps me deal with things when I make them kind of funny. 

Well, after failing my one hour glucose test a week prior, I took the 3 hour glucose tolerance test on Friday. 

First of all-I just want to say how INCREDIBLE my husband is. He really, truly is. He had to work Thursday night, so he got home from work at 6:30 in the morning on Friday-and he just stayed awake and took me to the test. Can you imagine? After working a 12 hour shift overnight and having no sleep, he then takes me to my test and sits in a waiting room with me for 3 hours. Oh-he also brought me home like 5 magazines to take to the test. See. Incredible.  

Anyway, we got there about 8-8:15. They took my fasting blood sample and ran that. Then they gave me the drink. It tasted pretty much the same as the first one I had a week before, except that it was WAY MORE SUGARY. It was a lot harder to choke down-especially because they give you a time limit. After I drank the drink, I went to sit back out in the waiting room for an hour. Let me just say that the first hour was ROUGH. I felt like crap. My pulse was elevated, I was shaky, and I started to get a little bit of a headache. Also, my eyes were a little blurry. Great. Then I started crying a little bit....Ryan was very sweet and told me to just relax, take a deep breath and they would be out to get me soon to draw my blood. After they drew me that time, I went to the bathroom and I felt a little bit better. 

As the rest of the time went on, I started to feel better. They did let me drink some water and stuff so that was good. By the time of the last draw, I felt okay, I was just really, really hungry. 

We left the lab and not even an hour later I got a call from my doctor's office. I failed. 

They hadn't even gotten all the results back, but the first two were enough to fail me apparently. So I guess I have gestational diabetes. Fan-freakin-tastic. I will do whatever I have to do to take care of Nolan and myself. I already feel guilty and like I've caused harm to him, so there is no way I'm going to harm him any further. 

The diabetes center called me this morning to set up my appointment. It's Wednesday at 9 a.m. A dietician will speak with me as well as a nurse, who will show me how to check my blood sugar everyday. I was already scheduled for my regular OB appointment that day too-so it will be nice to go to that appointment and talk with my doctor and see what she has to say as well. 

This will be a big change for me, I'm sure. But like I said, Nolan is my top priority and if watching my diet and sticking my finger several times a day is what it takes to keep him healthy, then I'm doing it.

For the love of god, I have to get out of the house!!

Oh. My. God.

I've been stuck in the house basically all week. The stupid blizzard situation all over the country this week has kept me out of work and stuck in the house. I finally got to leave yesterday for a doctor's appointment (which included my glucose tolerance test)...hooray! I was so fucking excited to be out of the house I about pissed myself.

The appointment went well-baby is doing fabulous. I have gained 1.5 pounds since my last appointment-so that's not bad. I'm never excited to see the scale go up, but I guess I shouldn't complain-I've gained less than 15 pounds this entire time, so I hope I can keep that up. I have friends who have already gained close to 40 pounds. The glucose test wasn't that bad honestly. The stuff tasted and smelled a lot like orange Triaminic....  Lame.

Ry did take me out to lunch afterwards and we stopped at Hobby Lobby where I got some cute letters for Nolan's nursery. More about those when I finish them and have a picture to post.

But now, I'm stuck inside again. It snowed AGAIN this morning...well, most of the day actually. Ry is at work all weekend, so I'm here-sitting in my house-all my chores done (hehe)...and CRAVING A BELGIAN WAFFLE LIKE IT AIN'T NO THANG!!!!!!!! Holy crap, someone come rescue me from this snowy prison and take me out for a waffle before I flip my shit!

I suppose I could finish contacting the stylish blogger award people. I only have a few left. I'll get to that later I guess. Right now my big concern is getting out of here and getting a waffle.