Hi-I'm ridiculous

So, I ended up going to the ER on Friday.

I talked about having some pressure the other day and it was making me a little uncomfortable. Well, on Thanksgiving, when my hubby woke up, he saw me doing some research on it and asked what was going on. I started to explain it to him and I started crying because I was freaked out. He was SO GREAT. He sat there with me and held my hand and tried to calm me down. We talked through it and decided that since there was no actual pain or bleeding or anything that we would go about our day and wait until I could talk to my doctor's office the next day.

I felt better on Friday but I still had a little bit of pressure. When I finally talked to the nurse at my doctor's office, she didn't make me feel any better. Keep in mind at this point, I have asked several pregnant and previously pregnant friends about this-and almost all of them told me that it's normal. Most of the information I found on the internet also said that this was normal, despite a few instances where this pressure (more severe along with other symptoms) was not normal. So just when I'm feeling better about this, the nurse tells me, "no....it's not normal for 16 weeks....I think we'll try to get you in Monday (...it's FRIDAY)...and I would just say to spend the rest of the weekend laying on your left side and drink a lot of water."  Me: "Oh....well, if it's not normal, will I be okay until Monday, or do I need...." Her: "Oh yeah!! You'll be fine. We'll see you Monday at 9. Have a nice weekend!" CLICK. Me: "What the HELL?"

In the world of me, if you tell me that something I'm experiencing isn't normal, but then you tell me I'm good for 3 days as long as I lay down...that's incredibly confusing. So I tell Ryan what she said and then he starts getting pissed because she actually said that it wasn't normal but then didn't seem concerned about it. So we start freaking out and decide that we are going to the ER. At this point, we don't care if we look like idiots who are worrying for nothing, this is about the health of our baby.

So we go to the ER, I explain everything that's been going on and tell them how casual the nurse was about it at my doctor's office and the nurses and doctor there agreed with me. They couldn't believe that she would tell me something was not normal, especially without even consulting with my doctor. I mean, if it's not normal, she should have told me to come in right then for a quick exam or tell me to go ahead and go to the ER just to get it checked out since they couldn't see me until Monday. So everything ended up being okay. My cervix looks and feels just like it should, and we picked up a strong heartbeat as usual. Either way-it made me feel a lot better to go and get a professional opinion.

We still have the appointment tomorrow morning and as far as Ryan is concerned, he's gonna make sure they know exactly what the nurse told me and which nurse it was. I gotta say, I can't be mad about that. These are my doctors and nurses, they are supposed to have my best interest in mind and they are supposed to understand when I have concerns. I'm not just some random crazy pregnant woman. I'm sure they see a ton of those too. But I would like to know that if I had a concern like this again they would take it a little more seriously. Anyway, so we'll see after we have the appointment tomorrow whether or not I still feel comfortable with these healthcare providers.

Thankful

On this Thanksgiving, I feel that I have a lot to be thankful for.

For starters, I could not be more thankful that I'm pregnant. I thank God for that everyday. After two losses, I feel blessed that I've made it this far, and I continue to pray that I will make it to full term and have a healthy baby. Sometimes it's hard to believe that I'm even at this point. And sometimes, I still get scared that something will go wrong. Case in point-I contemplated going to the ER today. Why? Because I felt a little bit of pressure on my vajayjay. Granted, everything is growing and expanding, and from what I gather, some pressure on your lady parts and on your bum is normal. But, you have to sift through information on the internet carefully because while 37 people will tell you that it's normal, one person will come in and say that it's not normal and that it means you have an incompitant cervix and you should go to the hospital. Seeing as I've had no pain or bleeding or anything like that, I'm gonna just try to relax and call my doctor's office tomorrow just to make sure I'm actually just crazy.

I'm also thankful for my amazing husband. He is truly my best friend and he works so hard to take care of us. I couldn't be more proud of him. I just hope he knows how much I appreciate him and everything he does to make our life what it is.

I'm so very thankful for my dog this Thanksgiving. I'm thankful that she's alive and healthy and that she has recovered from her accident. She is just such a huge part of our lives, I don't know what we'd do without her. I love her to pieces!

I'm also thankful that I have a job (even if it's only part time), I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep at night, food to eat, and family and friends that are wonderful. It's easy to take things for granted on a daily basis, but that's what I love about Thanksgiving. It reminds you of what you have and that no matter how bad you think you might have it, there's someone out there that has it worse. Be thankful for everything you have. Happy Thanksgiving.

Headaches

I'm a bad blogger! My last post was when I turned 14 weeks, this Friday I'll be 16 weeks! I will be keeping up with the belly pics and stuff-I am taking them, I just haven't posted them yet.

Things are going well, except that I feel like I have headaches several times a week. Now, prior to being pregnant, I would just take some Excedrin Migrane and call it a day. No matter what kind of headache I had, that's what I would take because that seemed to be all that works for me. Well, you can't take the good stuff when you're pregnant, so I've found myself having these headaches and just having to suffer basically.

I know that right now, they are mostly sinus headaches because my sinuses are completely out of control.  I asked my doctor about it last week and she told me I could take the Advil sinus stuff......huh?? I am definitely not going to take it. There's no way, I'm too scared. So instead I got some nasal spray and just took one stupid regular tylenol. And what does that do for me? NOTHING. So I'm trying to drink more water and I'm using a heating pad to try to loosen up my neck muscles. Sometimes caffeine helps, but I try not to over do it with that.

I wish there was a better way to make the headaches go away.

Week 14

As of a couple days ago, week 14! That is officially the 2nd Trimester! Makes me happy to see those words!

courtesy of the bump

So lets see. I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday. Nothing too exciting I think. Just a regular appointment to check everything out and hear the heartbeat.  I started taking belly shots a couple weeks ago. I have a 13 week and a 14 week. I think my 14 week actually looks smaller than the 13 week, but I had a different shirt on..who knows. I definitely feel fat...so yeah.

week 13

week 14

So there's that. What else? My doggie is doing great!!! She finally got a clean bill of health yesterday and she can get back to all of her normal activity. Her belly is looking really good. We're finally gonna take her to get a bath tomorrow-thank goodness! She's been a little bit stinky!

Also found out that my in-laws will be coming at the end of this week. Just my mother in law was supposed to come but now my father in law is coming too! They will be here sometime on Friday. They are gonna stay with us for a couple days and then my father in law is flying back on Monday morning and my mother in law is going to stay through Thanksgiving. She has to take her mom to a doctor's appointment and stuff too, so she won't be here the whole time, but it will be nice to have them back and spend some time with them for a few days. They haven't seen me since I've been pregnant so that will be fun. I'm not sure what the plan is for Thanksgiving yet. I think we're either gonna have dinner here at our house or we'll go out to eat. Whatever is easiest for Ry's mom and grandma. 

I've started looking at registry stuff. I haven't started any registries yet. I'm waiting until after December 22nd when we find out what we're having. But I want to be prepared so that I'm not completely overwhelmed. I'm going to register at Babies R Us, Target, and Walmart. I'm going to have 2 showers-one here in Indiana and one at home in Cleveland. I don't know if we're supposed to register for the crib and stuff or if we're supposed to be the ones to buy it. Hmm. I need to to some more research. I also got a list of stuff from one of my friends of things that she found to be really helpful and really useless when she had her baby. She made a lot of really good points so I think that is going to help me out a lot when I register.  Well, I have lots of school work to do today so I better get going!

Week 13

As of tomorrow, welcome to week 13 :)

I was feeling anxious today so I called the doctor's office to see if I could get in and hear the heartbeat. They're so awesome they fit me in. Nice strong heartbeat-she found it right away. The heartbeat was 150!! Also, I have the "big" ultrasound schedule! Dec. 22nd baby! Right before Christmas...weee! Feeling pretty good. I don't think I'll ever stop being scared or anxious, but it's always good to hear the heartbeat.

A realization

This is the only safe place for me to talk about how I really feel.

As you can probably see in my post earlier today, I'm not having a good day. In fact I'm having a shitty day. I'm having a shitty life at the moment. I can't say anything on facebook without 17 people commenting all "are you okay?" "what's wrong?" blah blah....cuz they can't just leave well enough alone.

I can't even be coy and post song lyrics because people are stupid and would take it the wrong way. But I can say what I want to say here. This is how I feel:

Black Again-Stone Temple Pilots


When you're fed up and lonely
And nothing else seems to matter really

I'll be here waiting for the 
Black cloud to leave you
I'll be here to hold your hand 
When you're tired and lonely

Hold your breath underwater
And know you'll rise to the
Surface slowly

Think of me as a ship that might hold you

Carry you to the shore 
When you're tired and lonely

She can't eat 
She can't sleep 
She's not well (she's lonely again)
She can't breathe
She's in bed
She's in hell

But she'll never 
Really be alone 
As long as I'm beside her

Irritating=my life

I know it probably seems like I complain a lot....I do complain a lot. But that's just because I can't seem to catch a FLIPPIN' break! And the reality of it is that it's my own fault. I'm the reason that everything is sucking right now. What do I mean by that? I mean that money makes the world go round and we don't have any.

Ya know, this time last year when Ryan was still bringing in those huge paychecks because he got lots of over time while he was at the police academy, what we should have been doing is planning for the future and saving all of that extra money. What we were doing instead was acting like two poor people that won the lottery and buying tons of shit we didn't need. Completely irresponsible. Have we learned from that? Oh yes. Oh hell yes.

Lets move on to why it's my fault. I quit my job. The good paying job that I had, I quit. I quit because the stress was so intense that I had to go to therapy and start taking prozac. Fine. I found another job. Part time and it paid like $5 and hour less. Wasn't making very much money there....oh-and I got pregnant and had wicked morning sickness and couldn't be on my feet all day. So I quit. Now I got offered another job. The job that I interviewed for last week. I am thrilled! It's still part time, but it's more money. Still a little bit worried that I may not get enough hours but whatever-it's better than not having a job. Today at this job I find out that I will get paid twice a month. On the 15th and the 30th. There's a lag in your first check. My first check won't be until November 30th. That's a MONTH!!!!! I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!! We're having a baby, our dog is in the hospital again-our savings is gone! What the hell am I supposed to do?

I have a husband who makes $50,000 a year-not including overtime. Where in the FUCK is all of our money going????  I feel sick right now. I'm mad at myself and I feel absolutely sick for us being in this position. Absolutely sick. Oh and we're trying to figure out where we're going to live in May once our baby is born. We rent the house that we're in. It's not really in "baby" condition. We need some things to be fixed and we need new floors. Our landlords may or may not do this. My father in law doesn't want us living in this house with a baby at all. We can't buy a house because our credit is crap and we have no down payment. I don't know how it got so fucking terrible, but it did. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what to do. I feel lost.

Organizing

I'm ready to de-clutter my home and my life in general. It's going to take A LOT of work. But it needs to be done. I have a wonderful book coming about de-cluttering your life. Should be here in a couple days. I do have a pet peeve though. Okay-several:

* Why the hell can't you order some of the smaller stuff from IKEA's website?? The closest IKEA to me is like an hour and a half away. Not that that's super far, but it's far enough that I can't just run right over there. I just want some of their smaller items for storage purposes, but nooooo, you can't buy that stuff online. Stupid.

* Why is everything for the purpose of organizing so damn expensive?? How are you supposed to be able to organize your life if you don't have thousands of dollars to spend. I understand the long term investment, but I'm not someone who has an abundance of money laying around now a days.

* Why can't I win the lottery?

LOL-okay....the last one...well, it's not like I'm banking on that. The other two are legitimate complaints.

Visit home, dog update, etc.

Haven't been on in a few days. I went to Cleveland on Thursday and I got back yesterday evening. It's always nice to spend time with my family. I got to see some friends this trip as well, so that was good. Don't really have much more to say about that-just that it's always hard to leave. It's hard to be around your family and then just not be. Every time I visit, I'm reminded how much I miss them and how much I miss home. This time, I was reminded how hard it's going to be to raise a child with my family 6 hours away.

Our dog has to have surgery again. This time it will be less invasive. There is a patch of skin that has basically died off, so that area is not healing. They need to cut that part out so there's only healthy tissue left so that it can finally properly heal. Thank god for Ry's parents or we wouldn't even be able to do this. Her first surgery took everything we had saved up. And it looks like this one is going to cost just as much as the first. So again...we'd be screwed without Ry's parents. They are awesome and always have been. So Brit's at the hospital right now-her surgery is tomorrow and we don't know how long she will have to be there....again. This is their last chance. If they don't fix it right this time, we're taking her to our normal vet.

I don't think I updated about my doctor's appointment or my interview last Wednesday? If I did already, I'm sorry for the redundancy. Interview went well. The lady was very nice and it sounds like a job that is right up my alley. The pay is pretty good-and it's basically part-time. The more work they have though, the more hours you can get sort of thing. Also, everyone is cross trained, so it doesn't get boring because you can be doing something different every time you work. As far as I can tell, no weekends-so that's a big plus. She was also headed out of town the day after our interview, so I'm giving her today as a freebee and then tomorrow I'm going to email or call her. I feel pretty good about it.

My doctor's appointment was fabulous! We got to hear the heartbeat AGAIN-so that's good. And they gave me a bunch of magazines and books and pamphlets and stuff. They are also having me stop taking my progesterone. She had said as long as we hear the heartbeat again (which we did) that I should just finish what I have of my progesterone and that will be it because I will be close enough to 12 weeks. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about this. I have two suppositories left right now. I figured I should maybe wean off them so nothing crazy happens, cuz I heard sometimes spotting can happen and I really don't need to be freaked out like that. So I didn't take it last night and so far so good. I will take one tonight, then  not on Tuesday, and the last one I will take Wednesday. Friday I will be 12 weeks-so i guess that's as close as I'm gonna get. I thought about calling my doctor's office today and asking them about it, but she seems to be confident with everything so I guess I'll just stop when they say. She also said my uterus is growing and it's now in my abdomen where it should be. I had some blood work done and also got my flu shot so i don't have to worry about that. My next appointment is November 17th.

What else? I got my first pair of maternity pants! I love them. My house is a wreck....I wish I could hire someone to come in and clean and organize-just once to get everything in order-so that it's easier to keep up with. I have plenty of time to do all of this, but I'm just so tired, it's hard to get on board with it.

I wonder how long it takes to get to Philly?

Probably quite a while. I could fly there. Yes.

Why do I want to go to Philly? I want a mother-truckin CHEESESTEAK!!

I could go several places to get a cheesesteak. But I want an original, Philly, cheesesteak. I'm talking like from Pat's King of Steaks. The meat, the grilled onions, the "whiz"....yes-cheesewhiz.  Holy crap.

I don't know why, but I've had a bug up my butt for a couple weeks about eating a real philly cheesesteak. I blame the food network. I better go to bed before I actually purchase a plane ticket and go to Philly.

I.Am.Bored.

Soooo bored.

I need a hobby or something. Maybe I should go to the library? Or maybe I should go the craft store and find something I could work on. I don't know if it's because I'm super tired or if it's because I've been laying on the couch like all day, every day, just so the dog will do the same cuz she's not supposed to get excited or anything.

Oooh-I could color! I don't know where my crayons and coloring books are....I could always run to walmart and pick some more up. I don't even need to shower or put make up on to go there. :)

My friend Ann is supposed to stop by sometime today to close my Lia Sophia party.She hasn't said when yet. I have a ton of stuff I could be doing but I don't feel like it. I wonder if that will ever go away or if that's just me? I could be cleaning and organizing right now but that just doesn't sound fun. I would much rather just lay around and do nothing...lol. Oh my god, will this feeling of exhaustion ever go away?? I miss having energy!!

Another update

My doggie came home yesterday and she's doing great! We have to keep her cone on her most of the time because she keeps trying to lick her stitches. It's so good to have her home though! We have to keep her calm and quiet, which you know is challenging for a black lab. All she wants to do is run and play-but her injury is in such a high motion area that she can't run around and be crazy. She's been really good though. Just relaxing in the living room.

I also have a job interview next week! Crazy-right? Totally random, but I googled labs (like laboratories in the area that collect blood) and came up with a little list of places around here that I never even  knew about. I found one in particular that is kind of small and has totally normal hours and I just went ahead and emailed them. To my surprise, I got an email back from the lady who runs the place and she wants to set up an interview with me. I'm not sure what day yet-she gave me a choice of Monday or Wednesday, late morning or afternoon. So I basically told her whatever is more convenient for her and now I'm  just waiting on an email back. I'm intrigued. I didn't expect something so fast or from a place that would be so awesome to work at. I know that this isn't a desk job-persay. Honestly, I miss sticking needles in people-lol. I loved being a phlebotomist, I just didn't like the company I worked for and the way they ran their business and treated their employees. And with this new place-they aren't some huge operation, they probably don't have more than a few people working there. They are open M-T from 8-4:30 and F from 8-3:30. Saturdays is by appointment only. So that would be an awesome schedule. The exact kind of schedule I'm looking for. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this place is as cool as I think and that my interview goes well.

Lastly-I'm ready to go to the doctor. I know my appointment is on Wednesday, but that can't come soon enough. It's not really that I'm worried for any reason in particular...it's just that someone like me needs updates and reassurance more often. Having blood tests at the beginning was great-having the ultrasound was awesome. It's been like a month since that and I'm ready to hear the heartbeat again. I'm a little freaked out. I just want good news. I've had too much bad stuff lately-and definitely too much bad stuff on the baby front in the past. I can't take any bad news right now. I pray every single day for this baby. I pray that this IS our take home baby-even if it's the only one we ever get-this baby NEEDS to be born and NEEDS to be healthy. I don't want to be paranoid-and I don't want to be negative. I have no reason to be. Like I said, I'm just ready for an update. I'm ready for this appointment and so help me, it better be nothing but GREAT news.