Let's just get it out in the open...

I love food. I will never be a size 2 because I love to eat. I'm Italian-I grew up in a family that loved food. Everything we did revolved around food. This has been an issue for me my entire life. I diet and I exercise, then I binge on shit loads of horrible food. I hate my body. Yep.

....but I just made peanut butter cookies. Amazing peanut butter cookies. Cuz I really wanted something sweet and we didn't have anything in the house except ingredients to make peanut butter cookies. I've already eaten like six of them.

So consider this a warning. This is what I do. I bitch about being chubby, then I eat a crap load of food that is bad for me. It's okay. It's a phase. Give it a few days and I'll be out running everyday and eating salads. That's my pattern.

I'm bitter, nice to meet you

I'm trying a new approach. And with a new approach comes a new blog.

I've abandoned my last blog-which I'm fairly confident that no one read anyway-to start working on this one. I've decided that this blog is going to be a "no nonsense" approach to my life. No more hiding behind sugar coated posts and feeling guilty about honest ones. This blog is all honesty, all the time.

Day after day I stumble upon blogs and google pages showcasing how awesome someones life is. They have the "perfect" husband, and the "perfect" home, and the "perfect" child (or pregnancy)...and they themselves are "perfect". You know what I'm talking about. They only post pictures that are extremely flattering and even the way they type their little stories and talk about their lives implies only perfection. They come across as sweet as pie and you just want to say, "Aww!" and give em' a big hug...and then vomit a little.

I've tried to make a blog like that...and when I failed OVER AND OVER, I started getting a little down on myself. I would think, 'why can't I take super cool pictures of all the super cool things in my life and translate it into a super cool blog?' The answer is simple: my life is not perfect. That's not to say that I don't have a great life that I'm thankful for-BUT, it by no means is perfect. Not even close. My life is real-I'm real. I have flaws. I make mistakes. And for once, I'm not going to make apologies about who I am and how I choose to live my life.

So there you have it. That's what it's all about. You're either with me or your against me. Not really-I'm not that dramatic. I hope that some people will find my honesty refreshing and hopefully, a little bit relate-able. Read this blog if you are sick of the candy coated perfection and want a take on life that's a little more "documentary" a little less "sitcom". Know what I'm sayin?

Tell Me I'm Wrong

As a 27 year old woman living a seemingly ordinary life, there are times when questions come up that I don't really want to answer. Sometimes it's because I just don't know the answer. Sometimes, it's because it's about something I don't really want to talk about. Especially with a stranger.

I was out with a couple friends last night, when we ran into a girl who we "used to" know. By that I mean that she was a "satallite" friend that used to hang out with another one of our friends and come around once in a while. I didn't particularly care for her then and I don't particularly care for her now. She's annoying. Anyway, so she's making small talk with us, catching up if you will, and she turns to me and says, "So how many kids do you have?".

Excuse me?

I don't know whether to be offended by her question or to take it as what it more likely is-just a question. Just something that maybe you ask someone as an ice breaker.

"Oh-none. We don't have any kids yet..."

"Oh good! Haha....you guys are still young, you have plenty of time....you need to enjoy life and live!"

"Oh yeah, definitely..."

What the fuck? So apparently, having kids means that life is over. Life as you know it anyway. I don't know if I can even have kids-but I do know that I want them. Or, I think I want them. Sometimes, I really enjoy life just how it is. And I think about all the stuff I could buy and the trips I could take if I didn't ever have kids. How "glamorous" life could be sans baby. But a second later, the image of another life pops into my head. A fenced in yard with a couple of kids playing in the back. Making cupcakes for school. As boring as that might sound to some people, that might be just the thing that I need to wake me up. Even though that life would be just as ordinary as the one I'm living now, at the same time, it might also mean adventures that I haven't yet taken. Having kids may completely change who I am. I don't think that it will-or that it should, but it definitely could.

Right now, I'm on the fast track to soccer games and school lunches. I'm okay with that for the most part. I have this nagging feeling hanging over my head that says, 'you are getting close to 30-now is the time-you need to have children if you're going to do it' but then I also have this other thought that I can barely take care of myself sometimes and that maybe I should wait. Fuck. What am I waiting for though.

I think that it's just that there's stuff on my mind and I'm constantly second guessing myself in most aspects of my life, so why should this be any different?

Man. Twenty-seven years old...fast approaching 28, and before you know it, 30. Yet, here I sit, struggling with the same issues I have been struggling with for years. Should I bring a child into that? Is that fair? And more importantly, am I bi-polar? Okay-that one was a joke...but seriously. I have to say that I'm starting to worry a little bit.