Tell Me I'm Wrong

As a 27 year old woman living a seemingly ordinary life, there are times when questions come up that I don't really want to answer. Sometimes it's because I just don't know the answer. Sometimes, it's because it's about something I don't really want to talk about. Especially with a stranger.

I was out with a couple friends last night, when we ran into a girl who we "used to" know. By that I mean that she was a "satallite" friend that used to hang out with another one of our friends and come around once in a while. I didn't particularly care for her then and I don't particularly care for her now. She's annoying. Anyway, so she's making small talk with us, catching up if you will, and she turns to me and says, "So how many kids do you have?".

Excuse me?

I don't know whether to be offended by her question or to take it as what it more likely is-just a question. Just something that maybe you ask someone as an ice breaker.

"Oh-none. We don't have any kids yet..."

"Oh good! Haha....you guys are still young, you have plenty of time....you need to enjoy life and live!"

"Oh yeah, definitely..."

What the fuck? So apparently, having kids means that life is over. Life as you know it anyway. I don't know if I can even have kids-but I do know that I want them. Or, I think I want them. Sometimes, I really enjoy life just how it is. And I think about all the stuff I could buy and the trips I could take if I didn't ever have kids. How "glamorous" life could be sans baby. But a second later, the image of another life pops into my head. A fenced in yard with a couple of kids playing in the back. Making cupcakes for school. As boring as that might sound to some people, that might be just the thing that I need to wake me up. Even though that life would be just as ordinary as the one I'm living now, at the same time, it might also mean adventures that I haven't yet taken. Having kids may completely change who I am. I don't think that it will-or that it should, but it definitely could.

Right now, I'm on the fast track to soccer games and school lunches. I'm okay with that for the most part. I have this nagging feeling hanging over my head that says, 'you are getting close to 30-now is the time-you need to have children if you're going to do it' but then I also have this other thought that I can barely take care of myself sometimes and that maybe I should wait. Fuck. What am I waiting for though.

I think that it's just that there's stuff on my mind and I'm constantly second guessing myself in most aspects of my life, so why should this be any different?

Man. Twenty-seven years old...fast approaching 28, and before you know it, 30. Yet, here I sit, struggling with the same issues I have been struggling with for years. Should I bring a child into that? Is that fair? And more importantly, am I bi-polar? Okay-that one was a joke...but seriously. I have to say that I'm starting to worry a little bit.