Well here we are

39 weeks 3 days.

Mr. Man must be pretty darn comfortable in there. I really wanted him to come out on his own. I wanted to avoid an induction-especially since it ups the chances of having to have a c-section. I really just wanted the whole having contractions, going to the hospital, and having a vaginal birth experience.

I have my last doctor's appointment Wednesday, but we've discussed induction and it just so happens that my doctor is on call this weekend and my due date is this weekend so I guess the plan is to induce on Saturday. I'm having mixed emotions about the whole thing. I'm sort of excited because it means I get to meet my little man this weekend!! I've waited so long to hold him in my arms and see his little face and I can finally do that in just a few days! I'm also scared of being induced-I'm scared it won't work and I will end up with a c-section. And I'm angry. I'm angry that I get deprived of the experience that I so badly wanted. I wanted my body to do it's job. I wanted to be at home and start having contractions closer and closer together (which has happened...then they just stopped....) and I wanted Ryan and I to decide when it was time to go to the hospital and for us to load up my bag and be excited and nervous on the way over. And most importantly, I wanted my son to come out and be placed on my chest so that we could meet for the first time. Granted, this could still happen with an induction. But I'm so scared that I'm just going to be another number....another induction that doesn't progress how it should and then I end up having a c-section anyway. Dammit. And I know that a perfectly normal birth could end up with a c-section too. It's just that induction makes the chances of it greater.

I realize that I still have a few days left to go on my own. But at this point, I have no choice but to face the facts. This kid hasn't wanted to come out for the past couple of weeks and nothing has changed in the past couple of weeks. I've done everything I can think of. Ryan and I have walked and walked and walked this past weekend until I was in a ton of pain. We tried to have very awkward sex in the shower (lol....it was actually kinda funny), I've eaten spicy food...the list goes on and on. My doctor stripped my membranes at my appointment last week too. Nothing. Saturday evening I had some contractions going for a couple hours-but nothing too regular or too painful. So we gave up and went to bed. He's not coming on his own. Maybe I'll feel a little better on Wednesday after I talk to my doctor and know more about the induction.

Also, my in-laws are coming on Thursday. This makes me a little nervous. I don't know if they are planning to stay with us or not, but I really don't want a freakin' entourage accompanying me to the hospital for my induction. I wanted it to be me and Ryan only until after Nolan arrives. And I also don't want to come home from the hospital and have house guests....while I'm trying to learn how take care of my baby and while I'm trying to learn how to breastfeed. Ugh. This stresses me out. Another reason it would be fantastic to have him in the next day or two.

At least I only have to be bored a few more days. Ryan works tonight and tomorrow night and then he's off on his paternity leave for 3 weeks-so at least he'll be home and hanging out with me. We should have a nice dinner at home like Wednesday or Thursday night-just the two of us! That would be nice. Hmm....I might have to look into doing that.

Well, that's about it for now. Hopefully by my next update I will have a birth story and a picture of a cute little man to post!! :)