I'm not keeping up with my end of the deal....

But neither are you. And by "you" I mean everyone...because I have no readers. None. So this is basically my journal-just on line.

Anyway, a friend of mine said to me the other day that you have to have faith. That faith is underestimated and that God has a hand in everything we do-every part of our lives and just because people can't see him doesn't mean he's not real. I get that. She's very religious. I'm not super religious, but I definitely have faith. And I definitely pray.

Lately, I've been praying to try to get my way. The thing I pray for most is a new job. It's sad that I have to practically beg God for a new job, but I have been.

Here's what it sounds like when I pray:

"Dear God-Hi.....it's me again. I'm trying to get better at this praying everyday thing. I forget sometimes. I'm not perfect, but you know that *uncomfortable chuckle*......anyway....I told you that I was gonna bug you constantly until I got a new job, so here I am...as promised. Look...things are getting worse at work by the day. Evil has taken a new form in (insert name here) and things are going downhill fast. I can't work there anymore. I can't. I won't. Please don't make me. I apply for new jobs every other day. I apply for everything that I can..and there's not a lot out there right now. I think my resume is pretty good and I haven't even so much as gotten a phone call. That's bullshit. I'm sorry....I mean, that's not fair. I'm a good person....and I don't deserve this. I'm not asking for something huge here. In fact, if I were to get a new job, that would mean that my job would open up, thus creating a new position, that pays well-for someone else. So really, it's like recycling. Anyway, like I say every other time, please do whatever you can to guide me in the right direction. Please? Make my resume stand out to someone-anyone. Have them call me and set up an interview so that I at least have a chance to make an impression on them. Please? I'm begging you-you gotta help me out. Thanks for listening....."

That's pretty much the gist of it. Now, I'm not trying to be funny here. I'm just trying to get my point across. I'm praying-just like I have been advised to do. And I don't think that what I'm asking for is too much....so the least the universe could do is throw me a FREAKIN' bone. I NEED to hear something this week. Time is running out before extra shitty things start happening at work. Oh man.....I can feel the headaches/sickness/etc. on a daily basis coming back. The stress so bad that I sink into depression and have no will and no drive to do anything. I can't believe this shit is going to happen again. WTF???? If anyone else read my blog, I would ask them to pray too. Pray hard that I can at the very least be given an opportunity to have an interview somewhere. My resume can't suck that bad.

As Martha would say, "Good Things"

Speaking of Martha, I want to send a big F-U to Comcast for messing up the time of day that Martha is on here...she used to be on at 9 a.m., now I have no clue when her show comes on, but I'm certainly missing it!

Anyway...back to the point. Good Things. My last post was pretty negative. I'm starting to feel a little better about things. Life isn't perfect-so says my blog title. I have re-worked my resume and applied for some good jobs. Now I'm keeping my fingers crossed for something good to happen. I'm going to keep applying for jobs and keep my head up and hopefully that will be enough. It has to be because I'm running out of time at my job before big changes take place.

I've been working out a decent amount and not eating a ton of food...so that's good.

I'm trying to get organized in other aspects of my life as well. Finances are doing okay....so yeah, I guess things are going well.

Now it's bed time.

It's always something

Maybe I'm just negative. I don't want to be. But life keeps giving me lemons and instead of making lemonade, I want to throw the lemons back and say "screw you man!!".

Lets see...well, I found out the other day that something about my job is changing that PISSES ME OFF and that I can't change. I'm not even gonna get into it because it's already common knowledge that I hate my job. So I'm actively looking for new employment. I mean for real-active. I applied for some jobs online last night, and today I'm going to print out copies of my resume and then go into town and either mail them to perspective employers or fax them. We'll see. Either way, I have about a month before everything changes and I gotta get out of there. Seriously-the stress and bullshit of that place will drive me nuts-so I need to get out. I could launch into some giant explanation about all of this, but I'm not going to waste my time. It's words I've said over and over again to people, and I just can't repeat it anymore.

Oh, and in the past week, I've found out that two people I know are pregnant-one of them for the second time. And one of them, is a fucking idiot and took a test and announced it to the world the day she found out. What an asshole. That's so stupid. I've had two miscarriages in the past year-so my attitude is that pregnancy is not a casual thing and it's not set in stone-so immature little girls that have NO BUSINESS being pregnant, need to not  treat it like it's no big deal! She's gonna shit when she gets her period in like a week. That's mean, but I don't care anymore. I really don't. I am so stressed out and angry since both losses. When is it going to be my turn? Oh, it's not. Yeah.

Okay.....I need to get back to this job applying thing because if I have to be at my current job much longer, I might have to hang myself. I kid, I kid. Whatever-I have stuff to do.

This is a RANT. Move along if you're not interested.

So....I didn't go to bed until like 4:30 in the morning. I don't have to be to work until 2:30 today and I was trying to spend some time with my husband, whom I feel like I never get to see.

This morning at 10:15 a.m., my home phone rings. I am asleep-so I ignore it because no one ever calls our home phone. Then my cell phone rings-I ignore this. Then the home phone rings....again. I sit up to see if I can see who is calling, it looks like work. Just to be sure that I'm not in the wrong, I get up out of bed and stumble over to the fridge to check my work schedule. Nope-I'm not supposed to be to work until 2:30. Why are they calling me?

So by this time, I have a message on my answering machine and a message on my cell phone. What the fuck?

I listen to both messages. It's my boss. Apparently they are very busy at work and she wanted to know if I could come in earlier than 2:30.

Ya know what? NO. No, I can't come in earlier. Let me tell you why. I am at work ALL THE TIME. I feel like I spend half of my life there. And I've worked PLENTY of very busy days where we have been short handed and no one came in to help me. I have a LIFE. I, unfortunately, have to work for now, so I plan all of the other way more important things I have to do in my LIFE, around my stupid work schedule. I didn't go to bed until 4:30......I had planned to sleep until like noon, then get up take a shower, do a little laundry and straighten up, and then head to work. Now, I'm awake by 10:30-and I'm PISSED. I went back and forth with myself-because I'm a good person and of course I want to help out. But at the same time it's like, "no-fuck off"-no one helps me. So I didn't call back. And what I've come up with is that I'm going to take my shower and do a few things, and if I can get to work a little earlier-fine. If I can't-I'm not gonna worry about it. What the hell do they want from me??

It's not my fault that we're busy. And I'm sorry-but guess what? Other people work there!! Yes-other people-not just me. Call someone who has the whole day off and see if they want to come in. Because I know that right now, not everyone is working. After the holiday weekend, lots of people have days off. Call one of them and see if they will come in-I'm already coming in today!! I was there yesterday-all day-when we were VERY busy. Again-no one made an effort to come in and help. And I work tomorrow, and the next day-then I get one day off. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! FUCK! I hate this job-I hate this stupid fucking job. I am spending ALL DAY SUNDAY, my day off-doing my school work so that I can get the hell out of there sooner. Ugh. Rant over.

I'm awesome

I rode 10 miles on my bike today. That is all.

So, I hate my job

That shouldn't be a surprise to anyone-who actually likes their job? Ryan (my husband) likes his job. He should though. His isn't so much a job-it's a career. It's something he's always wanted. Truth be told, I'm a little jealous of him in that department.

I like what I actually do-I'm a phlebotomist. What's that? I take blood from people. It's kind of cool actually. What I hate about my job is that the schedule is bullshit, trying to get time off is bullshit, and the fact that the company I work for doesn't seem to give a shit about their employees. It's all about money-and it's all about the bottom line. And that's just scratching the surface of what's wrong with that place.

What kills me is that I have an out. I'm taking classes online for medical coding and billing. Granted-that's not the "dream job", but it's a job that will at some point allow me to work from home. That means that I'll be around for my kids-and available for my kids. That is my dream job. Problem is that I'm so fucking lazy that I'm way behind on my school work. I have had PLENTY of time to get it done and I just haven't. Just about EVERY day I tell myself that I'm going to work on my assignments and EVERY day, I do not. What the hell is wrong with me?? I need to hurry up and get that shit done-because at some point, when I do get pregnant-that's going to be the beginning of the end of me at my current job. I'll work there throughout my pregnancy, but once I have the baby, I'm not coming back from maternity leave. So I need to finish my schooling as soon as possible so that it's ready and waiting in the wings.

Anyway-sorry this post isn't very witty-it's actually kinda whiney. But I've just had four days off and now I have to go back and I'm pissed. Fuck.