I feel bad....

So, I used to hang out on The Bump message boards. I found a very comfortable home on the TTCAL board (trying to conceive after a loss). It was comforting to have a place to go to talk to other women who were going through or have gone through the same thing as me. The women there are very supportive of one another. Since I found out I was pregnant, I stopped going there. I did post that I got a BFP-and it seemed that some people were happy for me, but even though I have been on that board for like a year, I only got like 20 responses. Another girl who has been on the board a little while also posted a BFP the same day. She had 3 times the responses I did...even more than that.

It's not a popularity contest-I know that. But it showed me that maybe they wouldn't miss me if I was gone. I mean, after you get a BFP, they want you to go over to the pregnant after a loss board and start posting there. I lurked over there for a little bit, and I just wasn't feeling it. I don't want to sound like a bitch-or like I'm on my high horse or anything-but on both of those boards, there is so much loss and sadness and heartbreak...I just don't need to put myself in a place like that right now. As much as I think all of those ladies are fabulous and we share a common bond, I need to focus all of my energy on the positive right now. I don't need to sign on and see all the heartbreak on a daily basis. I'm not naive. I know that all stories don't have a happy ending. But I really feel good about this and I NEED my story to have a happy ending this time.

So I think the best thing for me is to not post on those boards anymore. I feel horrible about it. I don't want to be that person. But I can't help it. I need to separate myself from it and think only good thoughts. I mean, at this point, it's still so early. I do feel really good about it, but I can't help but be a little nervous because of how the last two times ended up. I want so badly to start reading my pregnancy books and to start my pregnancy journal, but I'm too scared to. What I want right now is for it to be mid November, so I can be into the 2nd trimester and be a little bit at ease.