Irritating=my life

I know it probably seems like I complain a lot....I do complain a lot. But that's just because I can't seem to catch a FLIPPIN' break! And the reality of it is that it's my own fault. I'm the reason that everything is sucking right now. What do I mean by that? I mean that money makes the world go round and we don't have any.

Ya know, this time last year when Ryan was still bringing in those huge paychecks because he got lots of over time while he was at the police academy, what we should have been doing is planning for the future and saving all of that extra money. What we were doing instead was acting like two poor people that won the lottery and buying tons of shit we didn't need. Completely irresponsible. Have we learned from that? Oh yes. Oh hell yes.

Lets move on to why it's my fault. I quit my job. The good paying job that I had, I quit. I quit because the stress was so intense that I had to go to therapy and start taking prozac. Fine. I found another job. Part time and it paid like $5 and hour less. Wasn't making very much money there....oh-and I got pregnant and had wicked morning sickness and couldn't be on my feet all day. So I quit. Now I got offered another job. The job that I interviewed for last week. I am thrilled! It's still part time, but it's more money. Still a little bit worried that I may not get enough hours but whatever-it's better than not having a job. Today at this job I find out that I will get paid twice a month. On the 15th and the 30th. There's a lag in your first check. My first check won't be until November 30th. That's a MONTH!!!!! I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!! We're having a baby, our dog is in the hospital again-our savings is gone! What the hell am I supposed to do?

I have a husband who makes $50,000 a year-not including overtime. Where in the FUCK is all of our money going????  I feel sick right now. I'm mad at myself and I feel absolutely sick for us being in this position. Absolutely sick. Oh and we're trying to figure out where we're going to live in May once our baby is born. We rent the house that we're in. It's not really in "baby" condition. We need some things to be fixed and we need new floors. Our landlords may or may not do this. My father in law doesn't want us living in this house with a baby at all. We can't buy a house because our credit is crap and we have no down payment. I don't know how it got so fucking terrible, but it did. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what to do. I feel lost.